Dear Family

Hello to all of my family and friends. If you are reading this, it must mean that you are curious as to what I would write to you all. Just a heads up; this is not my final words, it is more like a , where I am now kind of thing.

Everything happens for a reason.

First I would like to start off by saying how much I love you. My children are and always have been my life. You are what I live and breathe for. I was a completely different person when I first gave birth to you than I am now that you are young adults. I have grown, matured and blossomed just as I raised you to do.

Everything happens for a reason.

Maybe we sort of grew together since I was just a child when I had you. But no matter what my age was at the time, I did the best that I could do. I see other moms like me and some nothing like me. I don’t think any of us are wrong, just different. It is alright to be different.

Everything happens for a reason.

Drinking and drugs were never part of the picture neither were cussing and fighting. I didn’t put you in a bubble but I tried my best to shelter you from the bigger evils of the world. When you did witness some of the realities of life I did my best to teach you and learn from others mistakes. Everything in life is a learning tool whether good or bad.

Everything happens for a reason.

There was never “me” time. It was always “you” time. My choice, not yours. It was always all about you. We read books, watched kids shows (still some of my favorite types of television) and played games. Making the ABC’s, counting and colors into songs were always so much fun. I miss those days but don’t want to go back.

Everything happens for a reason.

You were growing and learning and we were having so much fun. We had your cousins over a lot so their parents could have “me” time and we loved it. We all learned so much together and created so many beautiful memories.

Everything happens for a reason.

Our beautiful little family were hit with some major life changing events for all of us but we always made the best of it. We may have been hurting physically and emotionally but we would make jokes and laugh, never dwelling on the bad. That is just how we rolled.

Everything happens for a reason.

Hospitals became our second home but that was alright. We made the best of it as best as we could. We didn’t change who we were, we still had your cousins over to visit and play just so everything seemed normal, even at the hospital when some would say we should have been miserable.

Everything happens for a reason.

Stress built up on us but we managed. Our jobs, school, bills and even friends didn’t understand why they weren’t front and center in our lives, but we knew what was most important. We did our part to keep up with all of it but always knew that family came first. Did we laugh all of the time? No, of course not. We cried, kicked and even screamed at times. But then we would pull ourselves together and start laughing once again.

Everything happens for a reason.

Our life events were changing us a little bit every day, we were growing together. No matter how bad we had it, we knew that others had it worse. We said good-bye to friends and family that lost their battles and we still mourn them today.

Everything happens for a reason.

Nobody will ever know the depths of our pain and love because they have never walked in our shoes, but we know. We will always know. The bond that ties a mother to her children is unbreakable and our bond seemed to grow stronger more and more every day.

Everything happens for a reason.

Then the day came that my babies were growing up and testing the waters outside of their mothers wings. It was time to let go a little. They were growing and so was I. I helped you to grow just as you were helping me. The time came for us all to move on. The changes that you went through were expected, but mine were not.

Everything happens for a reason.

What I once considered a strength was now being questioned. The ability to not complain or be negative or even whine was not a strength when it came to my marriage. It came as a shock to the world when I left. But I had to. For me. For the first time in my entire life I wanted “me” time. I felt bad, and still do, for the pain this change brought to my family and friends, especially my children. But I hope that someday you will not only forgive, but understand.

Everything happens for a reason.

I am crying as I write this but not because I am sad. You kids were my reason for living. So naturally I felt a great loss when you moved on. But now I am experiencing life in a whole new way. You will always be number one in my life but now I want to live to enjoy “me” time. I have so many more reasons for living now. I can honestly say that when I was not with you, I was never truly happy. As most of you know, I hated to be away from you. But I knew you had life experiences that needed to be done without mom. Just as mom has life experiences to be done without kids. We are all growing still.

Everything happens for a reason.

I know there are family and friends out there that still don’t understand. That is alright. That is what makes us all who we are. The only thing that I can hope for is that you all do what feels right for you, not everyone else. My conscience is clean. My children are grown. I have and always will be there for them, which is a lot more than some can say.

I love you all and will always be here for you.



1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Trackback: Dear Family | The Wellness Trap's Blog

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