Snarky Family/Ex-Family Members

As most of you know I was married for almost 22 years when I walked away for good. We had grown up together and his family became my family. There were circumstances that nobody could possibly imagine. I know and my ex knows. I am not one to trash talk anyone so my mouth stays shut. But apparently he hasn’t. Well, he has about the truth but not his own version.

So Facebook is a pretty common thing these days and I am still friends with a lot of my ex-family. I just don’t think it is right to just un-friend them because we got divorced. I don’t add new ex-family and I don’t invite them to things that I may be hosting. I am courteous enough to respect that is his family.

Let me show you a post that I shared on Facebook and then I would like you to read one of the comments after. Tell me how you would take this. Either way, I do not Facebook drama, so I wouldn’t respond on there, and maybe I am just taking it wrong. “Susan” has been through a divorce herself but I have no idea of the circumstances.

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The above picture is what I had posted and yes I had tagged Bill, my new man for almost a year now, but still.

And below is her response:

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How would you take that? I am just letting it go since I have no idea how I should take it, but it just makes me think of comments from my own family members. There are a couple in particular that I am thinking of and they just think my ex is the shit. They blame me for the marriage crash and that is fine. They are also the ones that do some of the same things that irritated me to begin with.

Whatever, to each their own. I am happy where I am now. Happier than I have ever been. I feel like I need to defend myself but I am not sure why. I know how things were and I know that I stayed through ALL of the tough times, and it wasn’t until we got through them all and the kids were out on their own before I walked away. I could have walked away 7 years earlier when I really wanted to but didn’t because of the tough times. I needed to get the family through first.

Anyway, this just struck a nerve. What are your thoughts? Did I just take it wrong?

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In Honor of Robin Williams

It is such a very sad day in my household. The news of Robin Williams death has affected me deeply. Depression and suicide is front and center in my family and this scares me to death. I have lost a brother to this and I want to do my part to make sure this doesn’t happen again.

Depression and suicide go hand in hand. Not all people suffering with depression commit suicide and not all suicides are caused by depression. But the majority are related. I know too many people that are diagnosed with severe depression and it scares me to think that one of them could be the next suicide victim.

I want to raise awareness, more awareness, on this. There are people that would rather go untreated then to feel the side effects of the wrong depression medication. And anyone that has been on the wrong depression meds know exactly what I am talking about. Why cant we fix this? There must be a way of testing a persons make-up or whatever to see which medication would work best or which ones would make them completely insane. Help me raise money to do more research to find out.

Now to come up with a challenge, like the “Ice Bucket Challenge” for ALS. Something that everyone could do for $10.00 but has the option of donating $100.00 to get out of doing the challenge.

So who wants to help come up with something amazing and help spread the word once we figure it out?

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Heaven & Hell

I have a dilemma that I will need help and guidance from all of you. At this point in my life I should know more about the different religions, But I don’t. But I do have certain beliefs that are important to me and would like to find a church that agrees. At least for the most part.

When I was young my grandmother brought me to her church once in a while and it was fun. Baptist maybe. I really am not sure but I remember having a community thing where there was a cake walk and climbing a slimy pole to get to the top. So obviously it was fun, but that is about all I remember.

When I was getting married and having children, my husband’s family were all Catholic so I took some classes so we could be married in the church. I also had my children baptized. I remember the church services themselves being very boring for me and the kids. Then I realized that we do not have the same views on certain things. For one, they told me that my brother and I were going to Hell. Wait, actually they told me one week after my brother commit suicide that he was already in Hell and that is where he would stay due to what he did to end his life. Then they told me I would go to Hell if I weren’t baptized Catholic before I died.

So obviously I was no longer a fan, especially considering that I don’t think that being gay is a choice and I really like the idea of psychics and mediums. Ya, this religion just isn’t right for me.

My brother married into a Pentecostal family which was fun, but way too many rules for me. So that was out. But I will say that his entire church are amazing people and what they did for my family when my brother died is something that I will never forget. But still not the religion choice for me.

My two oldest brothers were baptized Prodistent, but I have no idea what that is.

I have a couple of friends that are members of the Church of the Nazarene and they seem to do a lot for their community and seem to have fun, but I know nothing of their beliefs. I heard they were Mormons and are like a cult. But really I have no idea.

So here I am. I am a good person with a huge heart. I do not judge people or look down on anyone. I believe in ghosts and spirits. And even though my brother died by his own hand I don’t believe he is in Hell. I went to a medium and he came through. There was no sense of Hell anywhere around us.

I am not perfect but I really don’t believe that God would send me to Hell for smoking a cigarette, having a drink on the weekends or even cussing like a pirate. I really don’t. So I am hoping to find a religion that fits in with my beliefs, is fun and does good in the community. Is there such a thing?

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Child Molestation

There I was, relaxing in my living room,

When he walked in and acted like the groom.

I was lifted up and then we sat back down,

A blanket to cover his hand in my nightgown.

A whisper in my ear to say its alright,

He loves that my privates are so tight.

I close my eyes to hide the pain,

I just wish I knew what he had to gain.

He slides my hand to cover his thing,

He says that I make him feel like a king.

I do my part and try to obey,

I know the misery when he makes me pay.

He whispers weird things in my ear,

Like how he wants to put it in my rear.

That scares me for my life,

Since I know that he will use his knife.

Next thing I know in one swift move,

His thing is in my mouth and he has something to prove.

He is moving my head up and down,

Told me to make sure to keep his juices down.

I know what happens when I do it wrong,

The next time is way too hard and strong.

I have been given plenty of lessons on this stuff,

Just not sure how many years will be enough.

He keeps saying that it feels so good,

But without the threats he knows I never would.

My cousin and I are a strange mix,

But he says that he loves the fact that I am only six.

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My Suicide Note

As I sit here under the light,

I keep thinking that I wont be here tonight.

The thought scares me half to death,

Wondering when I will take my last breath.

My man is sitting here rocking away,

Having no idea that this is my last day.

The thoughts that are running through my head,

Makes me wish that I never got out of bed.

Telling my family would be the right thing to have done,

But seeing the pain wouldn’t help anyone.

Karma has come to bite my ass,

This is how I pay for the sins of my past.

My children and my mom will hurt the most,

but it will be too late by the time they read this post.

I love you more than you will ever know,

But I have reasons for needing to go.

I am a coward, that is for sure,

But for now there is no cure.

As the time to say good-bye nears,

Please don’t cry, I don’t deserve the tears.

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Moosehead Lake

One of the many things that Bill and I have in common is that we both love going on random road trips. I am always taking pictures and we just love to see all the amazing views that New England has to offer. This trip was to the Moosehead Lake Region.

I used to camp on the lake with my parents when I was young even though I don’t really remember. But we have camped “up north” all of our lives but neither of us have camped on Moosehead lake in any years that we can remember. Jackman is usually the spot for my family since my parents own land up there. But I am a sucker for that crystal clear water with the most amazing views of the mountains. It is just gorgeous!

I seem to be attracted to water of all kinds, well, water and rocks. There is just something about it that is mesmerizing. Whether it is the ocean, rivers, lakes or even some ponds there is just an attraction that I can’t resist. I really need to have many homes so I can have one on each. I don’t think I could just pick one.

The day was filled with excitement. Before we made our way to Moosehead, we went up through Eustis to the Canadian border. That was exciting. We didn’t have passports with us so of course we didn’t cross, but it was still pretty cool. We went on roads that neither of us had ever been on. We have been all over Maine in our life time but there is just so much to see.

But one amazing thing that came from this trip is that we both decided that we would rent a camp right on Moosehead Lake next summer. So as soon as we got home we did some research to find the perfect place. And just as we thought we had found one, Bill’s daughter knows someone who has a beautiful home that they only rent out to friends…they charge half the price and it is beautiful!! Done deal. Next summer we will be spending at least a week in the most gorgeous spot in Maine!

I was quite surprised that throughout our entire trip we did not see a moose or a bear, but we did see one deer. I see more than that in my yard at home. But that is alright. The odds just went up for next trip!

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Dear Family

Hello to all of my family and friends. If you are reading this, it must mean that you are curious as to what I would write to you all. Just a heads up; this is not my final words, it is more like a , where I am now kind of thing.

Everything happens for a reason.

First I would like to start off by saying how much I love you. My children are and always have been my life. You are what I live and breathe for. I was a completely different person when I first gave birth to you than I am now that you are young adults. I have grown, matured and blossomed just as I raised you to do.

Everything happens for a reason.

Maybe we sort of grew together since I was just a child when I had you. But no matter what my age was at the time, I did the best that I could do. I see other moms like me and some nothing like me. I don’t think any of us are wrong, just different. It is alright to be different.

Everything happens for a reason.

Drinking and drugs were never part of the picture neither were cussing and fighting. I didn’t put you in a bubble but I tried my best to shelter you from the bigger evils of the world. When you did witness some of the realities of life I did my best to teach you and learn from others mistakes. Everything in life is a learning tool whether good or bad.

Everything happens for a reason.

There was never “me” time. It was always “you” time. My choice, not yours. It was always all about you. We read books, watched kids shows (still some of my favorite types of television) and played games. Making the ABC’s, counting and colors into songs were always so much fun. I miss those days but don’t want to go back.

Everything happens for a reason.

You were growing and learning and we were having so much fun. We had your cousins over a lot so their parents could have “me” time and we loved it. We all learned so much together and created so many beautiful memories.

Everything happens for a reason.

Our beautiful little family were hit with some major life changing events for all of us but we always made the best of it. We may have been hurting physically and emotionally but we would make jokes and laugh, never dwelling on the bad. That is just how we rolled.

Everything happens for a reason.

Hospitals became our second home but that was alright. We made the best of it as best as we could. We didn’t change who we were, we still had your cousins over to visit and play just so everything seemed normal, even at the hospital when some would say we should have been miserable.

Everything happens for a reason.

Stress built up on us but we managed. Our jobs, school, bills and even friends didn’t understand why they weren’t front and center in our lives, but we knew what was most important. We did our part to keep up with all of it but always knew that family came first. Did we laugh all of the time? No, of course not. We cried, kicked and even screamed at times. But then we would pull ourselves together and start laughing once again.

Everything happens for a reason.

Our life events were changing us a little bit every day, we were growing together. No matter how bad we had it, we knew that others had it worse. We said good-bye to friends and family that lost their battles and we still mourn them today.

Everything happens for a reason.

Nobody will ever know the depths of our pain and love because they have never walked in our shoes, but we know. We will always know. The bond that ties a mother to her children is unbreakable and our bond seemed to grow stronger more and more every day.

Everything happens for a reason.

Then the day came that my babies were growing up and testing the waters outside of their mothers wings. It was time to let go a little. They were growing and so was I. I helped you to grow just as you were helping me. The time came for us all to move on. The changes that you went through were expected, but mine were not.

Everything happens for a reason.

What I once considered a strength was now being questioned. The ability to not complain or be negative or even whine was not a strength when it came to my marriage. It came as a shock to the world when I left. But I had to. For me. For the first time in my entire life I wanted “me” time. I felt bad, and still do, for the pain this change brought to my family and friends, especially my children. But I hope that someday you will not only forgive, but understand.

Everything happens for a reason.

I am crying as I write this but not because I am sad. You kids were my reason for living. So naturally I felt a great loss when you moved on. But now I am experiencing life in a whole new way. You will always be number one in my life but now I want to live to enjoy “me” time. I have so many more reasons for living now. I can honestly say that when I was not with you, I was never truly happy. As most of you know, I hated to be away from you. But I knew you had life experiences that needed to be done without mom. Just as mom has life experiences to be done without kids. We are all growing still.

Everything happens for a reason.

I know there are family and friends out there that still don’t understand. That is alright. That is what makes us all who we are. The only thing that I can hope for is that you all do what feels right for you, not everyone else. My conscience is clean. My children are grown. I have and always will be there for them, which is a lot more than some can say.

I love you all and will always be here for you.

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Tarot Card Reading

Last night I had an interesting opportunity to have a Tarot Card Reading which is something that I have never done before. Personally I love things like psychic readings, paranormal activity or aura readings but have never had or even been around Tarot cards.

A friend of mine that I haven’s seen in a couple of years has been taking classes and learning a lot about the spiritual world. Something that I have always been interested in but have never pursued. So last night two of my friends and myself got together for dinner and when we finished eating we were waiting patiently (sort of) for her to bring the cards out.

My friend wanted me to go first and I was all about it. I couldn’t wait. My life has gone through and still is going through many changes and I feel like I am on top of the world, most of the time. I have bad days but compared to where I was just two years ago it is amazing!

She began by laying ten cards out in front of me all in a certain place and position. Let me back up a second, before we began she had me holding the cards and shuffling them. She said that if I had a question that I wanted an answer to, to be thinking about it as I shuffled. Well, I had a million questions, but none of which I really wanted an answer to. So I just really wanted to know if I was on the right path. I said none of this out loud.

So the cards are there and she begins to tell me her interpretation of what they mean. I was a little puzzled at first but she kept talking and giving me relate-able examples and it all started making complete sense. They/she were dead on. I couldn’t believe it.

So I was impressed to say the least. All of this got my juices flowing and now I am pretty sure that I am going to follow through with some psychic development classes and see where that takes me.

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My Dilemma with the Needs of the Rich and Poor

I have found myself in a position that has two families torn apart by tragedy. One family has quite a bit of money and is very well known in the community. The other is a young family that doesn’t have money and don’t know a lot of people around them.

Both families lost a loved one. One lost their teenage daughter and the other lost the father, leaving the mom of three very young children alone and financially stressed, even before the funeral costs. Both very tragic and sad. And both had a Go Fund Me page set up to raise the same amount of money. I am not sure exactly what the fundraiser was being used for the wealthier family, but they were both asking for ten thousand dollars.

The wealthy family reached that goal over night. Yes, one night, not even 24 hours. Plus they still have four or five more taking place this weekend. The poor family has raise about one hundred and fifty dollars in months. Yes MONTHS. In the mean time she has the collectors for the funeral costs calling once a week/month for a payment and also charging a quite hefty interest charge each and every month.

I am not blaming anyone, obviously, but I just feel so bad. They both are dealing with a great loss of a loved one, but one will not also have to endure a financial loss or bill collectors or that constant reminder from the funeral home that they still owe money because of a death that they had no control over. One lost once, the other lost twice.

I reached out to the “poor” one yesterday in hopes that I will be able to help somehow. Obviously I can’t do a lot but I didn’t know what else to do. Both families deserve support through this difficult time, but because of the financial differences I only reached out to one. I don’t like this at all. And it isn’t anybody’s fault.

One family is older and has been through the schools and sports and have just built relationships with more people while the other was just out of school themselves, busy having their small children and trying to set themselves up for their future.

What are your thoughts? Like I sad, nobody’s fault in either situation, but it still sucks.

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Parents Guide to Best Practices for their Childs Daycare

This guide is to help parents and daycare providers have a great relationship, which will help your child in the long run. I have been on both sides of this, being a working mom in the beginning to a daycare provider in the end.

Parents: You need to trust your daycare. If you don’t then find a new one. This is critical for all involved.

Daycare: Be very clear of expectations with the parents right from the beginning. Open/close times, late fee’s, vacations, lunches, naps and anything else that is involved with your daily routines.

Parents: Sending your child to daycare for the first time is huge both emotionally and mentally. Make the transition smoother with knowledge. Yes, get to know the provider. Know their expectations. Have a clear understanding right up front that things will be different than when your child was just home with you all of the time. There will be other children, which means higher chances of illness and not so attractive attitude changes. Children learn the fastest by watching other children. This could be a blessing or a nightmare and sometimes both at the same time. This is normal. You can bring up the issue with your provider but do not expect them to put your child in a bubble. They do reprimand the naughty child and they do tell the parents, but your child will try it to see what happens. This is normal. This is where your parenting skills come in. I can go over this in more detail in other posts and into more specifics with each age group. Talk to your provider openly, not accusingly. Again, if you do not trust them, then do not bring your child there.

Daycare: You have been around the block with kids of all ages. A lot of your parents haven’t. This may even be their first child or first time needing a daycare. Be considerate and understanding while talking/listening to them. Have all of your expectations written out and signed by the parents. Make sure they understand what you expect up front so their isn’t any question down the road. Also keep in mind that this is new to the child too so there will be an adjustment period. Do not assume the parent knows everything. If there is an incident at daycare, please share that with all of the parents. You do not need to name names but let them know that their child may have witnessed a horrible tantrum, a biting/pushing situation or even older kids fighting. Keep the parents in “the know” so they can address it and use the situation as a learning tool.

These are basic ideas that may seem unimportant, but trust me they are key to having a great daycare provider/parent/child relationship.

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