In Honor of Robin Williams

It is such a very sad day in my household. The news of Robin Williams death has affected me deeply. Depression and suicide is front and center in my family and this scares me to death. I have lost a brother to this and I want to do my part to make sure this doesn’t happen again.

Depression and suicide go hand in hand. Not all people suffering with depression commit suicide and not all suicides are caused by depression. But the majority are related. I know too many people that are diagnosed with severe depression and it scares me to think that one of them could be the next suicide victim.

I want to raise awareness, more awareness, on this. There are people that would rather go untreated then to feel the side effects of the wrong depression medication. And anyone that has been on the wrong depression meds know exactly what I am talking about. Why cant we fix this? There must be a way of testing a persons make-up or whatever to see which medication would work best or which ones would make them completely insane. Help me raise money to do more research to find out.

Now to come up with a challenge, like the “Ice Bucket Challenge” for ALS. Something that everyone could do for $10.00 but has the option of donating $100.00 to get out of doing the challenge.

So who wants to help come up with something amazing and help spread the word once we figure it out?

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How Depression Changed My Life

(The below article was one of the many that I had published on Yahoo. It brings back very sad memories of where my life was at on 5/21/2012. I keep referring to a blog, but I have no idea which one I was writing in at that time. I was in a bad place.)

 

How Depression Changed My Life

For all of you that may know me, or at least knew me before one year ago knew me as being a very happy, bubbly, sociable and outgoing person. I live and breathe for my husband and children. They are my life.

If I was to meet someone new today, they may describe me as a recluse, home body, anti-social and quite possibly a snob. I prefer the old me and have been working very hard to get back to that.

This article will focus on my life in the past year, but let me give you a brief description of my life prior to this. Mother of two, married over twenty years, one child with a serious medical condition, one child with serious injuries, a husband that is disabled and a brother that commit suicide.

I was diagnosed with severe depression. All I did was sleep. I was seeing my regular doctor, my psychiatrist and my therapist on a regular basis. These are the only times I left my house. I didn’t want to see or talk to anyone. This in itself saddens me because I have some very amazing friends out there and some of them were also going through their own tough times and I couldn’t be there for them. It was killing me.

So part of my therapy was to get out of bed and try to focus on something. I went on the computer. This is when I discovered all of the mindless Facebook games. Not only did I focus on them, I was obsessed with them. It was awful and I knew it. I kept telling my therapist that these are games that children would play. I am an adult woman and couldn’t stop.

Through therapy I was now turning my gaming energy into blogging. This seemed better. Blogging was starting to be beneficial. The more that I would write about my feelings and what I was going through, the more followers I would get. And some of them would reply and offer amazing advice that would really get the wheels in my head turning.

Let’s sit back and look at the big picture for the past year. I wasn’t able to leave my house, I was very depressed, I wasn’t earning a living to support my family, I couldn’t pay my bills and there was nothing I could do about any of it. This adds to the depression. I spend all of my time in my room, so there goes that happy family dynamic that we once had. I was failing as a wife and mother, miserably.

In the meantime I lost my medical insurance. No medical insurance and no income lead to no more doctors. I am on my own. What am I supposed to do? Where is my therapist? I need her so badly right now. I need to sit back, take a deep breath and try to remember everything that she has been telling me for almost a year.

Focus. Breathe. Write. Work through my emotions. Look at the big picture. Alright, I can do this. I need to do this. I don’t have a choice. Focus, focus on what? Alright then just breathe. Go to your blog and just focus on writing about your emotions and just take slow deep breaths while doing it until you come up with something. What have you learned about yourself in the past year? I have learned that I am a philanthropist. I have also learned that I love to write. I have also learned that if I am to get my family back on our feet I need to start my own business of some sort. I need to be home to take care of everyone and I need to earn an income while doing it.

My run with depression is far from over, but by staying focused and practicing the techniques that my therapist taught me, I can manage it for the most part. Knowledge is power. And I plan on being the most powerful woman in America.

Give Up or Fight Through it?

Giving up or fighting through is my battle for today. I want to bawl my eyes out and go upstairs, lay in my bed and just sleep until I feel better. The alternative is to keep writing and think about why my man is acting weird toward me or that my kids don’t love me as much as they love their dad. Just be miserable in general.

My emotional state that I am in now actually started yesterday afternoon and has just intensified. I ran out of my Estraval pills that are for my hormones and it just so happens that we are also having a bad financial week thanks to the dirty rotten scoundrel that I wrote about the other day. So between money and hormones I am completely out of it and believe that everyone is out to hurt my feelings.

So you can see my dilemma. I should just be in bed so people don’t have to see me like this. But considering I am on meds for depression and always seem to be right on the edge of another breakdown that had me in bed for about a year, I am a little gun shy about just going to bed when I have a bad day.

When I am in a mood, I seem to be drawn to blog posts that are along the same lines. Last night I found this one from Jenny over at The Bloggess and just totally felt like she was my new best friend. Of course that post was written almost a year ago and she has thousands of people that feel the same way. Oh well, I like her. She now has my #1 favorite blog in the world.

Ok, I will go for now. My girls should be back here soon with my little Miss. Brooklyn and I need to grab some lunch. But I am sure I will have more postings before this day is over. Thank you for listening.

PS: My man works on commission selling large appliances at Sears in Augusta, ME. His name is Bill. Look him up and buy a ton of stuff with him…we need the money.

PSS: If you have any chocolate please share. I think it could really help my mood.

 

 

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