I Failed The Blog Challenge

I am hanging my head low today. I just realized that I did not post to this blog yesterday. I did post to my business blog and I will share it here. Don’t check out my site though, it is not ready…I just started it. I will let you all know when it is ready. But anyway, let me give a brief explanation of what happened yesterday.

I got a call first thing in the morning from my daughter saying that she needed to go to the hospital. That is where we spent our day and then I brought her home with me so I could take care of her. She is still in pain, but the pain meds help to relieve some of it.

Life Events Blog

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Everything Happens for a Reason

So my day has been sent into a spin and I have only been awake for a few hours. My mother sent me a message this morning saying that she has put a “for sale” sign on her land up north and the one that I am living in is next. We knew it was coming but it is just more real now.

So a little panic set in. Nothing major, but a little. I pay my rent to my mother and I know that she depends on that money every month so I don’t want to move too quickly because that would leave her in a pinch. But at the same time, she followed through and put everything on the market so obviously she knows that we can’t wait until the last minute to find some place.

So I texted my girlfriend to tell her (half jokingly) that if her renters didn’t work out to let me know because the farm (my house I am in now) is on the market. I got a text back saying that her renters told her two days ago that they cant move in because they are going through a divorce. Perfect timing but scary as all get out.

The only thing she wants for rent is enough to cover her mortgage and insurance, then of course we would pay our own utilities. Which is an amazing deal for that house, BUT it is still almost tripling what we pay now. Things would be tight for sure. I think we could do it, but it scares me to death.

The timing of everything is crazy. Everything happens for a reason, so is this what is meant to be? That is the question.

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Mother Daughter Time

Today is going to be a great day! I have the day off, the sun is shining and my daughter called and wants to do something. We have no idea yet what it will be, but there is no doubt in my mind that we will have a great time and make some more great memories!

Knowing her her will make our way to the ocean, just not sure in which area we will end up in. But it doesn’t matter, we both love everything about it.

This is actually bitter/sweet for me. Let me explain. This is the weekend that my kids are taking my ex up to my parents camp for his birthday weekend. I got a text saying not to show up because they would all be there. Of course it will be a disaster since they don’t have a tent, camper, sleeping bags, coolers or anything else to have fun. I think they expect my mother to let them all in their camp, which she won’t and she already told them that. She isn’t mean, but there just isn’t enough room for everyone. I don’t even stay in there when I go up.

But anyway, when I was talking to my oldest yesterday and I asked her if she was ready for the camping trip, she informed me that she wasn’t going. She said that she wasn’t invited???? This doesn’t make sense to me but I would say there was some miscommunication somewhere, but since they are all adults I can’t butt my nose in. But my heart is breaking. But I will do my part to make sure she has a great weekend anyway.

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Building Your Inner Self

Today has been one of those days that I had very deep emotional talks with co-workers and customers. It was a little weird how open everyone was today, but I absolutely loved it. Sometimes I wonder what about me lets people trust me with their deepest thoughts, but it must be genuine and natural to me because it happens often.

I love the conversations that people share with me. I feel their emotions and it affects me deeply but they need to talk about things and I am pretty sure that I was put on this earth to listen and offer encouragement when appropriate. I wish I could do this for a living but I don’t think it would be the same.

Maybe I could run a support group or something. But to add volunteer work to my already crazy schedule would probably put me over the edge. Something will pop up if it is meant to be I am sure. Everything happens for a reason, right? Right. My mind has been wandering in so many directions for the past couple of days. I am pretty sure that I am at a point in my life that I need to stop dabbling and actually pursue something full force.

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Exciting News…

I am bursting at the seams, but can’t say too much. Yesterday was a very eventful day for me. There are big things coming for me and for all of you. Something that I came up with a couple of years ago has finally taken off!

Not telling you what it happening is so hard considering I pretty much blog about all of my inner most thoughts. But this one I can’t. I even tried telling them that I don’t have a big following but they said it didn’t matter.

Snarky Family/Ex-Family Members

As most of you know I was married for almost 22 years when I walked away for good. We had grown up together and his family became my family. There were circumstances that nobody could possibly imagine. I know and my ex knows. I am not one to trash talk anyone so my mouth stays shut. But apparently he hasn’t. Well, he has about the truth but not his own version.

So Facebook is a pretty common thing these days and I am still friends with a lot of my ex-family. I just don’t think it is right to just un-friend them because we got divorced. I don’t add new ex-family and I don’t invite them to things that I may be hosting. I am courteous enough to respect that is his family.

Let me show you a post that I shared on Facebook and then I would like you to read one of the comments after. Tell me how you would take this. Either way, I do not Facebook drama, so I wouldn’t respond on there, and maybe I am just taking it wrong. “Susan” has been through a divorce herself but I have no idea of the circumstances.

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The above picture is what I had posted and yes I had tagged Bill, my new man for almost a year now, but still.

And below is her response:

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How would you take that? I am just letting it go since I have no idea how I should take it, but it just makes me think of comments from my own family members. There are a couple in particular that I am thinking of and they just think my ex is the shit. They blame me for the marriage crash and that is fine. They are also the ones that do some of the same things that irritated me to begin with.

Whatever, to each their own. I am happy where I am now. Happier than I have ever been. I feel like I need to defend myself but I am not sure why. I know how things were and I know that I stayed through ALL of the tough times, and it wasn’t until we got through them all and the kids were out on their own before I walked away. I could have walked away 7 years earlier when I really wanted to but didn’t because of the tough times. I needed to get the family through first.

Anyway, this just struck a nerve. What are your thoughts? Did I just take it wrong?

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In Honor of Robin Williams

It is such a very sad day in my household. The news of Robin Williams death has affected me deeply. Depression and suicide is front and center in my family and this scares me to death. I have lost a brother to this and I want to do my part to make sure this doesn’t happen again.

Depression and suicide go hand in hand. Not all people suffering with depression commit suicide and not all suicides are caused by depression. But the majority are related. I know too many people that are diagnosed with severe depression and it scares me to think that one of them could be the next suicide victim.

I want to raise awareness, more awareness, on this. There are people that would rather go untreated then to feel the side effects of the wrong depression medication. And anyone that has been on the wrong depression meds know exactly what I am talking about. Why cant we fix this? There must be a way of testing a persons make-up or whatever to see which medication would work best or which ones would make them completely insane. Help me raise money to do more research to find out.

Now to come up with a challenge, like the “Ice Bucket Challenge” for ALS. Something that everyone could do for $10.00 but has the option of donating $100.00 to get out of doing the challenge.

So who wants to help come up with something amazing and help spread the word once we figure it out?

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Heaven & Hell

I have a dilemma that I will need help and guidance from all of you. At this point in my life I should know more about the different religions, But I don’t. But I do have certain beliefs that are important to me and would like to find a church that agrees. At least for the most part.

When I was young my grandmother brought me to her church once in a while and it was fun. Baptist maybe. I really am not sure but I remember having a community thing where there was a cake walk and climbing a slimy pole to get to the top. So obviously it was fun, but that is about all I remember.

When I was getting married and having children, my husband’s family were all Catholic so I took some classes so we could be married in the church. I also had my children baptized. I remember the church services themselves being very boring for me and the kids. Then I realized that we do not have the same views on certain things. For one, they told me that my brother and I were going to Hell. Wait, actually they told me one week after my brother commit suicide that he was already in Hell and that is where he would stay due to what he did to end his life. Then they told me I would go to Hell if I weren’t baptized Catholic before I died.

So obviously I was no longer a fan, especially considering that I don’t think that being gay is a choice and I really like the idea of psychics and mediums. Ya, this religion just isn’t right for me.

My brother married into a Pentecostal family which was fun, but way too many rules for me. So that was out. But I will say that his entire church are amazing people and what they did for my family when my brother died is something that I will never forget. But still not the religion choice for me.

My two oldest brothers were baptized Prodistent, but I have no idea what that is.

I have a couple of friends that are members of the Church of the Nazarene and they seem to do a lot for their community and seem to have fun, but I know nothing of their beliefs. I heard they were Mormons and are like a cult. But really I have no idea.

So here I am. I am a good person with a huge heart. I do not judge people or look down on anyone. I believe in ghosts and spirits. And even though my brother died by his own hand I don’t believe he is in Hell. I went to a medium and he came through. There was no sense of Hell anywhere around us.

I am not perfect but I really don’t believe that God would send me to Hell for smoking a cigarette, having a drink on the weekends or even cussing like a pirate. I really don’t. So I am hoping to find a religion that fits in with my beliefs, is fun and does good in the community. Is there such a thing?

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Child Molestation

There I was, relaxing in my living room,

When he walked in and acted like the groom.

I was lifted up and then we sat back down,

A blanket to cover his hand in my nightgown.

A whisper in my ear to say its alright,

He loves that my privates are so tight.

I close my eyes to hide the pain,

I just wish I knew what he had to gain.

He slides my hand to cover his thing,

He says that I make him feel like a king.

I do my part and try to obey,

I know the misery when he makes me pay.

He whispers weird things in my ear,

Like how he wants to put it in my rear.

That scares me for my life,

Since I know that he will use his knife.

Next thing I know in one swift move,

His thing is in my mouth and he has something to prove.

He is moving my head up and down,

Told me to make sure to keep his juices down.

I know what happens when I do it wrong,

The next time is way too hard and strong.

I have been given plenty of lessons on this stuff,

Just not sure how many years will be enough.

He keeps saying that it feels so good,

But without the threats he knows I never would.

My cousin and I are a strange mix,

But he says that he loves the fact that I am only six.

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My Suicide Note

As I sit here under the light,

I keep thinking that I wont be here tonight.

The thought scares me half to death,

Wondering when I will take my last breath.

My man is sitting here rocking away,

Having no idea that this is my last day.

The thoughts that are running through my head,

Makes me wish that I never got out of bed.

Telling my family would be the right thing to have done,

But seeing the pain wouldn’t help anyone.

Karma has come to bite my ass,

This is how I pay for the sins of my past.

My children and my mom will hurt the most,

but it will be too late by the time they read this post.

I love you more than you will ever know,

But I have reasons for needing to go.

I am a coward, that is for sure,

But for now there is no cure.

As the time to say good-bye nears,

Please don’t cry, I don’t deserve the tears.

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